Ok, well maybe that is going
a little too far. But, there is no reason (no matter how angry, hurt, pissed
off, betrayed, furious, upset, sick, crushed, or otherwise awful you feel) the
divorce process has to be filled with bitterness, contempt, or hateful words.
I am not saying that acting
like a respectful, responsible, mature adult will always be easy, but after
all, that is what you are right? So it’s time to start acting like one (or at least
trying to act like one).
So the next time you are
blinded by fury or so heartbroken you could weep, think of this:
1. No matter how badly we feel, it is NEVER ok to put
down or hurt someone else to make ourselves feel better.
2. What we say and do speaks far, far more about us than
it does about those we are badmouthing.
3. Stress kills. Literally, it will take years off your
life, add grey hairs to your head, and put lines on your face. Is your ex worth
all that?
4. In a storm, it is always wiser to take the higher
ground.
5. You are a role model to others (especially if you
have children). Show them how gracefully you can let go of what is no longer
meant for you.
6. You will never reach a positive place with negative
thoughts and actions.
7. Who are you really mad at? It might be yourself, and
you don’t deserve to be yelled at.
8. Anger and worry have never solved anything, except
maybe how to waste inordinate amounts of time you will never get back
accomplishing absolutely nothing.
9. If your goal is to eventually be happy and move on,
you need to start now. That means letting go of all those negative emotions
that are keeping you stuck where you are right now, feeling the way you feel
right now.
10. And if none of these words of wisdom have inspired
you to stop the yelling and social media bashing, at least be nice for no other
reason that it will really piss the other person off.
This advice has helped me
make better decisions while going through my own divorce. You will struggle.
There will be times you will yell, scream, cry, and act less maturely than you
truly are. But, the point is not to be perfect, but to strive to be better than
you were the day before or the minute/hour before.
I have struggled as a
psychologist and conflict specialist who should “know better,” so I am
definitely not saying letting go of the anger and hurt will be easy.
I will admit there were
times I name-called, bashed, and put down. What I learned from those times was
that those behaviors ultimately made me feel worse rather than better. I felt
horrible for treating another human being that way, especially one that I had
at one time loved dearly. I was also embarrassed at myself and felt ashamed
when I had to recount my actions to friends and family. That is not the kind of
person I want and strive to be.
We are human, we feel, and
that means we are susceptible to irrational, immature, spiteful behavior. But
we don’t have to let our anger and hurt control us. Take charge of your
emotions and your life. You will be happier you did.
Check out Enlightened Solutions for more great information
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